


Calmare il Dolore (Soothing the Ache)

by perilit



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Arc Reactor, Chronic Pain, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 13:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14081598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perilit/pseuds/perilit
Summary: Cold, rainy weather and the arc reactor don't mix well.





	Calmare il Dolore (Soothing the Ache)

**Author's Note:**

> "I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close."

Post-Avengers. Pepper/Tony.

 

Tony opens his eyes and immediately wishes he hadn’t. He’s freezing and even without taking a deep breath, he can tell that the mess of scar tissue and metal in his chest hurts, the metal of the reactor icy-cold against his skin and his chest a throbbing mass of pain. He opens his mouth to ask JARVIS the time and winces at the dryness of his throat, triggering a coughing fit that lights a blaze in his chest.

“J?” he chokes out after a few minutes. “Sir.” JARVIS acknowledges. “It is currently nine-twenty-three in the morning. It’s thirty-two degrees in New York, and drizzling, with more precipitation in the forecast for the rest of the day.” He sounds apologetic and almost guilty. “S’okay, buddy,” Tony rasps. “Not y’r fault.” He’s forced to take a deep breath as a yawn overcomes him, and he digs his nails into his palm to stifle a scream of pain as fresh hell blooms in his chest. “Miss Potts is on her way to the room. She has inquired after you. What shall I inform her?” “Pep?” he whispers. “Yes, Sir. Miss Potts is nearly in the room, Sir. Would you like me to allow her presence?” Normally, Tony would say no; he’d roll his shoulders, grit his teeth, and hole up in the workshop for the day with a tablet. Today, though, he’s loathe to even move his arms, and the thought of getting up and making the trek to the workshop makes him internally wince at the pain that it’d cause. He hates for Pepper to see him like this, but he can’t hide, not when it’s this bad. “Yeah.” He decides, trying to breathe shallowly. He manages to prop himself up slightly with shaking arms. The angle helps take off some of the weight, at least. A few minutes pass before Pepper is gliding into the room, beautiful as ever with her hair pulled back and her dark shirt making her hair look like autumn foliage against her pale skin. “Tony?” she whispers, her voice soft and careful and _oh god_ even just her _voice_ begins to soothe the pain and stress he was in. Tony feels himself relaxing despite the reactor.

“Pep.” He rasps. She smiles at him, worried and almost unbearably fond. She’d known as soon as she looked outside this morning. It never gets easier though, seeing him at the mercy of the device that’s also keeping him alive. He’s propped up a little on the pillows, the reactor shining through his grey t-shirt and the covers pooling around his waist. His face is tight with pain, skin pale and eyes a little less sharp than usual. He’s softer like this, more vulnerable, the pain stripping away some of the bravado and bluster. She loves all of him, all of the versions of Tony that she gets to see, but this one both warms and breaks her heart. “One of those days?” she says quietly. Tony lowers his eyes, his jaw tightening a little. “S'rry.” He murmurs. Pepper captures his hand in hers and squeezes it. “Hey. None of that. I know you didn’t plan for this.” He manages a weak smile at the comfort. “How’re you feeling?” Tony starts to spout an “M' okay”, only to be stopped by Pepper’s unamused stare. He exhales, and she watches his brow furrow minutely as he breathes through the pain. “Bad.” He says quietly, not meeting her gaze. “JARVIS?” “101.3, Miss Potts.” The AI replies crisply. “We’ll just have a lazy day, hmm? Just you and me.  I remember when I was a kid, my mom and I, on rainy days, we’d make ourselves a nest out of quilts and curl up and watch old movies. I remember waking up and seeing the rain and feeling happy because it meant spending time with her.” Pepper finds what she’d been rummaging for, slipping out to the kitchen for a moment. When she returns to the bed, heat wrap steaming faintly and two mugs of coffee in her hands, she finishes talking. “Don’t see why now should be any different.” She looks at Tony and finds him staring at her, his eyes tired, but fond. She sets her spoils down, sitting beside him carefully. Tony reaches for her, grimacing with the movement but then sighing in contentment when she’s in his embrace, turning to press his face into her neck. “ _il mio…conforto.”_ He murmurs. Pepper settles herself next to him and lets him arrange himself so he’s half-lying, propped up on pillows. She carefully settles the heat pack on his chest and Tony exhales shakily at the weight and heat. Pepper reaches over, gently running a hand through his hair, looking up at the ceiling while she talks and sipping her coffee. “So, I talked to that CEO from Cisco today. They want more funding, and at this point, I just want to pull our funding altogether. It’s becoming such a hassle. There are companies lined up waiting to get even a cent from SI, I shouldn’t have to waste my time arguing.” She looks over and feels a jolt of fear when she spots a tear sliding down his temple. “Tony?” she whispers, cautious. “S’okay.” He chokes, voice hoarse. “Just…hurts.” She leans over and gently kisses the tear tracks, and his eyes crinkle. When he opens them, they’re clear, and he accepts his coffee gratefully. His fingers find one of her hands, and he curls them together. JARVIS pulls up a movie for them. It’s dim and grey outside, rain pattering against the windows steadily. Tony might fall asleep, if the pain lets up, and she’s content to nap with him, to spend the day curled beside him.

The movie ends, and she smiles a little when she realizes Tony’s fallen asleep next to her. The pain must have let up for a while, though she knows it’s not gone for good. His features are calm in sleep, facial hair a rich navy in the light of the reactor. She moves to lay a hand on top of his and closes her own eyes.

_Tony can’t remember being this hot. The desert is unforgiving, scathingly hot and dry. He shed the suit miles ago. The reactor is digging into his flesh, sharp and burning with the sun’s heat. It only doubles the sweat that’s pouring off of him in waves. His legs give out suddenly. He thinks of Pepper, hopes she’ll remember him unscarred and whole, not a mess of metal and sand-grit. “Tony.” This is it. Pepper’s voice calling him, leading him to a place where he won’t have to rely on a magnet to stay alive, to keep breathing. “Tony, wake up!” I’m sorry, he thinks. He feels a rush of guilt at the thought of her taking over SI, still so new. “Tony, honey, c’mon, come back to me.” I can’t. I’m sorry, Pep. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. He closes his eyes and smiles at the thought of a life without pain, without heat._

 

 

 

And gasps awake, coughing and shaking.

 

Pepper startles awake at the first shuddering gasp. Tony’s no longer peacefully asleep. His face is creased, sweat rolling down his temples and soaking the hem of his t-shirt. “ M’sorry. ” he moans, raspy and broken. “ M’sorry. S’rry. ” Pepper grabs his hand gently, squeezing it as she calls to him softly. “Tony. Tony, wake up. Tony, honey, c’mon back. Come back to me.” “ _C’nt. S_ ’ _rry...S’rry. S- ._ ” He sucks in a breath and opens his eyes, unseeing and terrified. He coughs, the sound wet and painful and agonizing. Pepper lets go of his hand, instead rubbing his back in smooth circles, pretending not to notice the tears on his cheeks. When he regains control, he has both hands clutched to his chest over the reactor, his whole body screaming of pain. “Tony?” Pepper asks softly. He jerks and then sags in relief at her face. “Hu’rs.” he chokes. Pepper slides closer and rests a hand gently on his back, and he melts into the touch. Pepper keeps the steady pressure and lets him purge himself of old grief and pain, of wounds reopened by the pain of the reactor.

 

After a few minutes, she sees tears stop falling. It takes him another minute to steady his breathing and calm himself. When he does, Pepper closes the distance between them and presses a kiss to his temple. “Gonna go grab something quick,” she whispers and waits for his nod before swiftly grabbing a washcloth, dampening it with cool water and filling a glass. She makes her way back to the bed and carefully helps Tony out of the sweat-soaked shirt. She picks up the cloth, hovering over his chest. Tony looks miserable, but nods. Pepper gently wipes his skin, avoiding the area directly around the reactor, cleaning away the sweat and tears. He tightens his jaw at the water. “C’nt. Hur’s.” he slurs, the words stilted with pain. Pepper’s heart breaks a little. It is times like these that she desperately wishes for a way to simply fix this, to take away the pain. Instead, she guides him to lie against the pillows and molds her body against him. He closes his eyes, face lined with pain. She asks JARVIS to play some music and then just simply lies beside Tony as he breathes carefully through the pain. She reassures herself with the knowledge that tomorrow, Tony will be better: still achy, but no longer bedridden.

 

She can’t fix him. He doesn’t expect her to.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have a headcanon that Tony speaks Italian casually, often in conversation. I don't speak Italian fluently, I just know bits and pieces from singing in Italian frequently, and the assistance Google Translate can give me. If I've messed up phrasing or translation, please feel free to correct me in the comments.
> 
> The heat wrap I imagine Pepper using: https://www.amazon.com/MARNUR-Heating-Function-Shoulder-Back-Large/dp/B071P6D47D


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